Living Unemployed The Everlasting Cocksucker: An ode to an ex
The tale of a dirty whore
Nugget goes to Jail (part 1: a prelude)
Nugget goes to Jail (part 2: the antics)
Nugget goes to Jail (part 3: the apprehension)
Nugget goes to Jail (part 4: booking and more police encounters)
Nugget goes to Jail (part 5: don't wear boxers to jail)
9-03-2006 - While channel surfing the other night, I came upon the musical Jesus Christ Superstar on one of the movie channels. I stopped for a minute on it to see how ridiculous it was because I have never seen it, only heard of it. I realized it was a bunch of gay dancers from the 70s praising Jesus and had enough, but what I failed to realize was that Andrea actually enjoys this particular musical. I changed the channel, which lasted for about 30 seconds before I had to change it back. It turns out Judas is black, Mary Magdeline is an Asian hooker, and the people in general back then couldn't dance or write a decent lyric for shit. Sebastian Bach used to play Jesus in this touring Broadway musical, and now I know why. It is because any no talent ass clown can successfully pull off the role of Jesus in this steaming pile of corn filled crap. If you are a male with a penis and enjoy regular vaginal penetration, you will not enjoy this musical.
8-17-2006 - so I finally have a job. I have been unemployed since May, and I am starting towards the end of August. If you think about it, it was sort of like summer vacation during school.
8-02-2006 - I went to a bar called Champps (yes, that is how they spell it) last night. It was a Wednesday night, and the place was packed indoors and outdoors despite the heat right now. This isn't too impressive, but the fact that they charge $4.50 for a bottle of Coors Light and $6.50 for a well drink is amazing. It's kind of like Cheers, but instead of everybody knowing your name, everybody rapes your wallet.
8-01-2006 - Why do I always schedule a move to a new place in the middle of summer? I am retarded, that's why.
7-27-2006 - In two days I will be living in Indianapolis. I remain unemployed, but have some interviews lined up. Hopefully, one of those will work out, but we'll see. For now, I'll continue to watch repetitive and so called "breaking news" all day. Almost without fail, you can find a news channel with a "breaking news" icon on the screen that is reporting on news that has been out for several hours, if not days.
7-20-2006 - What is with all of the debt consolidation commercials? I thought declaring bankruptcy was the cool thing to do these days. Why pay of your bills when you can just declare yourself too poor? Sounds like a plan to me.
7-18-2006 - I watch the news all day since I don't have a job, and I have not seen this story on television once. Pete Coors, an executive for the Coors beer company, was arrested for DUI.
7-14-2006 - I live in Indiana. Apparently, according to a Homeland Security database, we have more potential terror targets in this state than any other. I have not been able to find out where several different news agencies obtained this report or anything. I guess it is in something called the "National Asset Database." As far as I can tell, that database is confidential for obvious reasons. You can read up on it here.
To sum it up, a few things on the list include a popcorn factory in an Amish town, a petting zoo, and a flea market. Who thinks of this stuff? Who sat down at some computer in a government office and actually entered the words "petting zoo" in to a database? It must be a six your old kid that considers a petting zoo and a popcorn factory vital to our economic and security interests. It probably won't be long until the local McDonalds, Putt-Putt, and park with the big twisty slide are added to the list. I forgot, a miniature golf location with a snack bar is already on it. Seriously.
7-10-2006 - Could you imagine if we said "dong" instead of "dollars?"
7-03-2006 - I finally uploaded the pictures from Europe. They aren't organized or properly named yet, but you can click through if you want. Check them out here.
I have also uploaded some pictures and a video of our dog Eva. Check those out here.
7-03-2006 - The FX network has a couple of good shows to check out. Rescue Me, which stars and was created by Denis Leary, is currently my favorite show currently airing, now that the Sopranos are off of the air until January.
The other show is titled "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia" and it is hilarious. The feel of the show is unlike anything on television and me trying to describe it would not do it justice. The last one I caught involved an ongoing discussion about when you can and can not use the word "jew." I recommend you check it out though.
6-29-2006 - I forgot to mention previously that I tried Absinthe while in Europe. That shit is seriously overrated. Although, to be fair, the European Union has a restriction on how much of the chemical that causes the hallucination can be in the drink. You have to go to weird countries to get the real stuff. The stuff I had tasted like black licorice and had a very high alcohol content. Speaking of hallucinating, I looked more in to the Salvia Divinorum and found out that I can buy it locally. Upon further research, there are a lot of drugs that are still legal too. The problem is that I'm not much in to drugs or anything and doing it is far more complicated then I could have imagined. Besides, we all know that acid is where it is at, especially since it is cheaper and easier to consume. Stop judging me.
6-29-2006 - It seems weird that I rarely update my site. I mean, I'm unemployed and sit on the couch all day and have all the time in the world. At the same time, I guess that kind of lifestyle doesn't leave much to talk about.
6-28-2006 - Still no job. I have had a couple of phone interviews and one regular interview. I also turned down one job that would have paid well, but would not have helped to advance my career in the direction I want to go. All of this happened on about the same day. It is weird how every time I go job hunting, nothing happens for weeks and then several things happen in one day. Maybe all of the HR people get together and decide on dates to contact potential candidates for jobs.
6-28-2006 - I continue to watch a lot of television during the day. Television is absolutely horrible during the day. It is extremely obscene how bad it is. Maury has the same "I fucked 800 guys and need to know who my dad is" show. I avoided a lot of this by watching the World Cup. However, the United States scored two goals the entire world cup and one of those was actually scored by an Italian who put it in his own goal. I have always hated soccer. After visiting Europe I thought I would give it a shot and see what all the fuss was about. It still does not compare to the NFL in my opinion, but I have to say I enjoyed it more than baseball. So now I am watching soccer rooting for everybody but France since the USA can't beat a team that sounds like a venereal disease and come from a country without indoor plumbing. GO USA!
6-13-2006 - On 07/15/2006 I will be relocating to Indianapolis. It will be in the Castleton area, which has terrible traffic from what I understand. The upside is that the apartment complex seems pretty good, and there are a lot of great places to eat. Now if I can just manage the small task of finding a decent job.
6-12-2006 - I have been back from Europe for close to a week now. Here's what I learned:
The "When in Rome..." thing should not be applied. If this were truly the case, I would have tried to pick other people's pockets.
Venice is expensive and hard to navigate.
Scotland is a beautiful country, but the people are not. They are very friendly, but probably the ugliest country of people on Earth. Their fashion sense does not exist.
London is lame. London is for retards. London brings nothing to the table. If I wanted to torture somebody, I would lock them inside of London. Although, they do have a building that looks like a dildo.
If you ever travel to Munich, make sure it's not a Sunday or some obscure Catholic holiday because it will be closed. They also mix Lemonade with their beer. It sounds gross, but is actually pretty decent.
Europeans do sport mullets. We must also hope that their trends do not cross the ocean to our own country. If they do, we can look forward to girls wearing skirts/shorts with full length stretch pants underneath of them very soon.
5-17-2006 - Tomorrow I leave for Europe and will be gone for two weeks. I want to see how the white trash citizens of those countries behave compared to ours. I wonder if I will even be able to spot them with the kind of accuracy I can here. For instance, here in the US it is easy. Just look for mullets, and Git-R-Done and NASCAR memorabilia.
5-15-2006 - I have posted a seperate blog about being unemployed. So far it has the first seven days posted. Check it out right here
5-09-2006 - For the first time since I was 17, I am unemployed. I got canned. No reason was given for my termination. Despite my demand for a reason as to why I was being let go, they would only say that I "was not a good fit." Great, thanks for clearing that up. I leave for Europe in two weeks, which basically guarentees me a month without working. Hello unemployment check. Now I am looking for a job in Indianapolis. I am half tempted to go back to a customer service position just for the stories, too bad those jobs don't pay shit.
5-06-2006 - More search phrases used to find my site:
"why pussy farts"
"life of a whore"
"how did cows get to america"
5-04-2006 - I think I found Lou Pearlman's lost childhood music video. At some point in time, somebody thought this was a good idea.
5-04-2006 - Last night I had Indian food for the first time. Those guys sure do like their spices. I'm hoping it doesn't burn as much on the way out as it did on the way in. The place we went to serves Chicken that has been marinated in cottage cheese. Anybody that knows me knows why that is a big deal.
5-03-2006 - While listening to the Bob & Tom radio show today on my way to work, I heard a commercial for Applebees. The commercial featured a radio jingle with a parody of the Billy Ray Cyrus song "Achey Breakey Heart." I am now calling for a boycott of Applebees because of this.
4-29-2006 - Man, you mention the word "crack" in one post and suddenly all of your Adsense ads are about drug recovery. Oh well, click them anyway and make me some money so I have more money to spend on alcohol.
4-28-2006 - We keep seeing these little insects in our apartment, they're called Silverfish. They have approximately 6000 legs, have an annoying factor of 7/10, and like to hangout on bathroom walls. If I were an insect, my ass would be in the kitchen. I certainly want to hang out on a blank white wall above a toilet. I don't understand insects.
4-27-2006 - Despite the Pacers winning their playoff game, it turned out to be a terrible night. All because I forgot to record the new episode of The Office. I love that show, but I won't miss a playoff game to watch it, and like a crack baby with siblings for parents, I forgot to set the DVR. I hate myself.
4-27-2006 - If you live in Indiana, you know that we just switched to daylight savings time. This was ok with me originally, until now. My computer is next to a window and the blinds don't help the glare on the screen much at all. So now, I have to deal with a glare on my screen all night while I am trying to play World of Warcraft or look up photographs of fully clothed ladies that are photographed for artistic purposes only. Also, I'm pale and pasty, and I am now put at a greater risk for skin cancer. Thanks daylight savings time.
4-26-2006 - I need to sue somebody for a substantial amount of money. I went to work sick today, and decided that it is not as fulfilling as sitting at home and watching television. So, in an effort to prevent that from happening again, I'm trying to figure out a way to make myself rich. Advertising on my page is making me about $0.10 a day, so that's not cutting it. Maybe I could fall down some stairs at a lawfirm and sue them since they sue everybody else. It would be sweet justice, and I could get rich and never work again. Everybody is a winner, except the lawyers, but who is rooting for them anyway?
4-25-2006 - I stayed at home sick and watched a lot of HBO and Cinemax. One of the movies was "Man on Fire." I had seen it before, but had forgotten about the scene where Denzel puts some C4 up some guy's rectum and blows him up. I thought Taco Bell was bad.
4-24-2006 - After a little research, I found that the Rock Lords never had a cartoon. They were in an episode of GoBots in the 80s, where the Rocklords and the GoBots battled. That's why I remember the cartoon but not much about them. They were mostly marketed as toys, and I still have one. Lets face facts, in an age where most cartoon characters were inspired by cocaine sniffing wack jobs, this was great. Obviously, no drug induced creativity went in to the Rock Lords. If your child likes the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, on the other hand, they are probably felching old men for smack.
4-24-2006 - Does anybody remember the "Rock lords"? It was a cartoon several years ago. They were like transformers, but transformed in to rocks. Those guys kicked ass.
4-24-2006 - I have received my passport. I will be going to Europe from June 23 to May 7. It can naturally be assumed that during this time the world will end because at some point I will be making a stop by the Vatican. Start repenting.
4-23-2006 - Great, another lame trend on the horizon for frat guys and annoying sluts to latch on to. Tattoos that are invisible by day, but show under a blacklight. So you can be a business person by day, and a party animal at night. Sort of the same line of thinking that goes in to someone sporting a mullet, yet people that do this stuff fail to see the similarities. Check it out here.
4-23-2006 - It is amusing to me that on one of the "Nugget Goes to Jail" pages there are google adsense advertisements for purchasing heavy machinery. On another page, you can purchase used cop cars and emergency vehicle lighting equipment.
4-23-2006 - The whole world is crazy.
4-23-2006 - After another season of ups and downs, but mostly downs, the Pacers enter the NBA Playoffs yet again. They play the Nets and probably won't advance. They were plagued this season by injuries and Ron Artest. Ron Artest is a phenomenal player, but has the intelligence level of a scientologist. Off the court the guy is like a wandering cave man trying to enter the rap world.
4-23-2006 - The latest search phrase used to discover my site: "Retards getting boned" Is it wrong to be very amused about this?
4-23-2006 - My car blows. It did not come with a manual. The passenger side window is broken, and there are cigarette burns on the seat. The burns I knew about, the other stuff I did not when I purchased it. I think there is some law in Indiana about this sort of thing called the Indiana Lemon Law that protects the consumer. I don't think I'd qualify though, especially since I bought the car in Arkansas. I'm still going to bitch about it though. Stupid Fletcher dealership bitch.
4-22-2006 - I went to SAM's Club to get some Cottage Cheese in bulk
because it is probably the best snack food in the world when mixed with
potato chips. Thankfully, it was retard shopping day. Literally. Working
at Wally World, I learned that bus loads of people from "homes" would
show up with people to do some shopping on a fairly regular basis. As I
was walking in, there was a guy screaming and throwing a tantrum about
wanting to go somewhere, which in itself was amusing since he looked like
he was forty. Once I was inside, a guy was wandering an aisle shaking his
head back and forth while yelling "ERRRRRRR" like a pissed off
And what trip to that store would be complete without seeing Evil Band Camp girl serving up her free samples of god only knows what. She was talking to a lady that did not look very pleased with her, which is easy to imagine.
4-21-2006 - Sometimes words can't express how proud I am to be an American. Crazy Asian man, I salute you.
4-21-2006 - I probably would not be the person you would need to talk to if you were thinking about suicide, but I would at least have had a better idea then this guy on how to do it. Don't try this at home....without a video camera.
4-21-2006 - While writing the Wally World pages for all those years,
I had my own little niche. For about a year now, I have been writing this
blog. I consider this blog to be an average one, and it doesn't bring as
much to the table as the Wally World stuff. It's kind of like when a musical
artist has one hit single, and pretty soon they have three greatest hits
albums out, but most people only know one song on the record. Well, this
is what I consider the other crap on my site that isn't Wally World related.
I thought it was normal. Yet, I keep finding crazy search terms used to find
this site. Here are a few examples from 4/20/2006:
"you dirty whore"
"girl is asked to drink fat mans jizz and does it"
"blowjob while taking a shit"
I'm not sure whether to be disturbed or proud of the fact that people searching for these terms are clicking my link.
4-21-2006 - I'm declaring that MySpace is a haven for sexual predators, morons, retards, attention deprived teenagers, and other people that could be replaced in the real world by blowing up a balloon and drawing a happy face on it with a magic marker. I never liked any of those social sites, but I was sort of indifferent before. I've decided I hate them now because several of those bastards link to my images without giving me any kind of credit, they just steal my bandwidth.
4-21-2006 - I'm finally conforming and putting my most recent updates at the top of my pages, after several years of doing it my own way. I never had a good reason for doing it the other way, I am just stubborn.
ARCHIVES: 2/12/2005 to 4/20/2006
2-12-2005 - So the night of the Nandy stuff, I went to the Cactus in Lafayette, IN. I drank heavily, and I'm pretty sure a stripper molested me on the dance floor. On a side note, I did not want to be on the dance floor, I hate that thing. However, they forced me by means which I can not discuss.
2-15-2005 - Today I realized that Nandy's pubic region, was really just a welcome mat for the entire public.
2-17-2005 - As you read this post, hum to the tune of Amazing Grace. I would like to have a moment of silence for my sweater. I had a plain black sweater, it was one of the few articles of clothing I own that are "office appropriate." Well, that black sweater was left at Nandy's place and I'm sure I will never see it again. "...how sweet the sound...." She left several pairs of thong underwear at my house though. I figure I can either trade them for my sweater back at some point in time, or sell them on e-bay and use the profits to buy a new sweater. I know there are plenty of freaks out there.
2-18-2005 - We went out to the bars tonight and a few things happened. The first thing being a man standing in front of the strip of bars holding a cardboard sign. At first I thought he was homeless and was begging for beer, but upon further investigation he was holding a sign that read "Do nothing to go to hell." Apparently he had nothing better to do on a Friday night then go preach to people going to the bars, because everybody knows that by going to the bars you are a sinner. He himself was violating a commandment. Judge not less ye be judged, or some shit like that, I'm pretty sure it's in there. He was judging us as all being sinners, and I had never judged him. I would have, but he beat me to it. When I walked by him I said to T-Mac, "You know, Jesus performed an abortion with a Sheppard's hook." I don't know if he heard me or not. I believe in cocaine and killing babies, but I don't walk around with a sign on me. As I sat in the bar getting more and more drunk, I decided I wanted to talk to the man, but he was no longer there. How sad.
2-18-2005 - T-Mac felt it was necessary to make threatening hissing noises at people he passed. That guy is crazy. A little later, I strutted for a fat girl and said something I think. I don't recall, but I know it was pretty mean, but I didn't really care, she shouldn't have been fat.
2-18-2005 - Tonight I lost my virginity to double fisting. Me and Voof each had just purchased a couple of beers when T-Mac returned from some of his antics, and decided he wanted to buy a round. We told him we had just purchased new beers, but he bought us each another anyway. Suddenly, I had a full beer in each of my hands. I couldn't have been happier. Later that night a cute girl had me kiss her for some scavenger hunt or something. All in all, a good night. I think double fisting beer may be some sort of good luck charm.
2-20-2005 - I'd like to take this time to thank Dawn, Voof's girlfriend. She visited us and brought with her an entire box of alcohol and made us some badass chicken & noodles. God bless you Dawn. Voof decided he wanted to make some new shots with our new stockpile. So he found a website or database of some kind, where you type in the drinks you have and it tells you what drinks you can make. Suddenly, I found myself a guinea pig to a lot of new drinks. I wasn't allowed to smell the shot or know what was in it, but you can see the results.
A truly amazing display here.
...and a not so amazing display of me passed out.
2-21-2005 - Me, T-Mac, and Anne Difranco went to Fayetteville to check out some canoes. Afterwards, we went to Pizza Hut. We walked in and thought maybe the place was closed, but then some kids starting climbing in through the drive-thru window. I have no idea why. There were no customers other then us in the entire place. It was only 9pm, and they were open until 10pm. We weren't sure what the hell was going on, finally a guy walked up and told us to sit wherever we wanted. Then he came over to our table to get our drink orders, and it all came in to focus. The guy was high as shit. He smelled of weed pretty bad. T-Mac was concerned, but I informed him that stoners appreciate how important food is. We stayed and got some good pizza, and joked about the stoner kids working there. They certainly enjoy their jobs more then I enjoy mine, that's for damn sure. Maybe I need to smoke some shit at work.
2-22-2005 - Our friend Snookie will be visiting in a couple of days. He drew Mullet Mike for me. He's also world famous for his love of Fetuses. Once, we actually wrote a cartoon episode titled "Fetus Finfrock." It was about a superhero Fetus with a nemesis that was a wire coat hanger.
2-22-2005 - My friend Java sent me a picture of a new character for the site, Peter Priest. She did an awesome job on it. You will see him soon.
2-22-2005 - Holy shit, I'm pretty sure I saw the singer from Hootie & the Blowfish singing with a cowboy hat in a Burgerking commercial. I don't think I need to explain why this is hilarious.
2-23-2005 - I have a shirt that can be seen in my yahoo profile. It says "White*Trash Always" on it. I love that shirt, and it's old and needs replaced. I'm having a hard time finding a place that sells it, if anyone knows, please send me a link.
2-23-2005 - The weight bench is still in pieces. We did, however, manage to
buy a set of drums and get them put together ok. I think making a lot of noise
is far more important then health.
2-23-2005 - This is what happens when three guys live together. It
was originally Chicken & Noodles, but now it looks like a mix of all
sorts of colorful foods. Maybe I'll poor milk on it and give it to a neighbor
2-24-2005 - Well I couldn't find the shirt I was looking for, tshirtking.com used to carry it, but no longer does. If anyone knows where I can find a "White*Trash Always" shirt, please send me an e-mail. I settled on a shirt that is pretty similar. Check it out, they have some other kickass shirts too. www.fatamerican.tv
2-25-2005 - So Snookie got in to town and we went out to the bars.
It was pretty uneventful, I bothered a musician on the street for awhile
and then offered him an altoid because I didn't have any change. He politely
declined, but that's what he gets for missing the bottom string on his guitar.
After that we went home, hit the drums and played mario tennis all night.
Here's a pic that Hitler took just before we left for the bars. T-Mac, Snookie,
Vavoof, and Nugget from left to right. With their powers combined, they are
the "Squirrel Force Four."
2-26-2005 - We went exploring some caves at a local state park. You have to get pretty dirty and crawl around in mud at times, but it's a lot of fun. T-Mac tried to stand up, and he did, but not without smashing his skull in to a rock. The rock did not move, but his head made a neat sound. We thought he might have a concussion, so we did the right and thing. We stayed at the park, and later that night we gave him lots of alcohol.
2-26-2005 - So we have an old red rotary telephone in our garage that was here when we moved in. We call it the bat phone.
Add T-Mac hitting the drums like a madman, and a drunken
Nugget thrashing around like a retard and here's what you get.
I also screamed in to the phone like a member of Slayer, with the words "can you hear me now." My voice was messed up for a few days. We're pretty retarded. T-Mac and Vavoof were giving me weird shit to drink, I can't be held responsible for the consequences.
2-27-2005 - Hitler paid me $50 to install his new Sata hard drives for him, other then that, I did jack shit all day long. It was amazing.
2-28-2005 - So I finally watched Kill Bill Vol. 2. I'll tell you the problem with this movie, and all movies directed by Quentin Tarantino with Uma Thurman. They show her fucking bare feet in every scene possible. I know people drool over Uma and stuff, but I don't. I think she's a seven foot tall weirdo with big alien eyes. I do not find her attractive, and I hate feet, so I certainly do not want to see her big ass nasty feet. That fucking Quentin Tarantino must have some sort of sick fetish, because her feet are always on camera.
2-28-2005 - I was having a discussion with my friend Andrea about how much of a disaster polygamy would be. I mean, girls carry a lot of emotional baggage, I can hardly handle one. How could a guy handle like 5 women? Then she suggested that you could get wives that were all bisexual. Now this was pretty interesting. So the wives could date each other and deal their shit back and forth with each other, and leave me alone to make sure all the ladies are getting boned accordingly. I don't have to worry about dealing with the typical bullshit. It's too perfect though, there has to be a catch.
3-1-2005 - Hitler felt it necessary to tell me that he could envision me having anal sex with one of his associates while she put on her makeup. I didn't ask for this information. That's just the kind of crazy shit Hitler says.
3-2-2005 - Hitler spent a total of 10 minutes deciding he was gong to drop $11,000 on a jet ski. I am not about to stop him.
3-3-2005 - Arkansas is called "The Natural State" but I think they
should change it to "The Handicapped State." Every time I go somewhere, I
get stuck behind some gimp that can't drive straight, and they're not even
doing the speed limit. I wouldn't be surprised if one of them cut me off
and then went super slow in front of me on my way to the mailbox. When dogs
get their legs broken and are injured, we put them down, and it's considered
humane. People should be the same. My mother has a gimp dog though, with
3 legs. With only 3 legs, it can sit on it's back legs and "pleasure itself"
with it's remaining front paw. I'm not making this up. Anyway, my point
is that the dog is worthless and creepy, someone should stomp on it.
3-4-2005 - So today me and Voof were going to buy Nine Inch Nails tickets, and then take a trip down to Austin Texas for the show. The tickets went on sale at 5pm. Me and Voof work until 6pm. So we asked T-Mac to buy them for us, but he had to pick up Anne Difranco at the airport at 4:55pm. No problem. We decided we'd just take a break at work at 5pm and buy the tickets by phone. Unfortunately, if there is a God he is a real cunt sometimes. We both dialed over and over, but kept getting busy signals. Eventually we had to go back to work. I rushed home and tried to order the tickets online, only to find they had sold out in minutes. Now those tickets are selling on E-Bay for hundreds of dollars. Now the debate begins. Do we pay outrageous prices for tickets to pieces of shit who make money doing that stuff, or take the loss and not go.
3-4-2005 - I'm going out tonight to some local bars. I didn't even know this town had bars until recently. From what I hear, they're pretty trashy, so it should be interesting. Too bad I have to work at 6:30am tomorrow.
3-4-2005 - So Hitler was all up on some 50 year old woman at this nasty white trash bar we went to. It cost me and Voof $30 each to get him to do various things to this nasty whore, but it was money well spent. At the end of the night, T-Mac was on his way home and saw that the nasty whore had actually rear-ended some cars, and created a 4 car collision. I offered Hitler $100 to take her home and bang her, but he didn't take the offer. If he had, it would have prevented a drunk driving accident. I'm told that some guy with a mullet was checking me, voof T-Mac, and other guys out. We are not gay, and the man had a mullet. He was quite scary. I will certainly have nightmares.
3-4-2005 - So it was time for another drink at this shithole bar we went to in Rogers. The place is called Good Vibrations, but it should be called the White Trash Hall of Fame. I have always given the area of Arkansas I am currently in credit for not being a low class white trash haven that I thought it would be. This place though, makes me think again. There was an old man that was on the dance floor vibrating. He didn't dance, or do the robot, he just stood there and moved a little bit and moved like he was getting 10,000 volts of electricity sent through his body. He was like a 6 foot vibrator, it was weird. Someone's motorcycle got knocked over, and judging by everyone's reaction when they found out, you'd think someone got stabbed. So on with my story, it was my turn to buy the beers and I went to the bar. I asked the recovering coke fiend of a bartender for 2 beers. As she is getting them for me, I realize that the total is going to be $5.00 even. I only had a $10 bill. My issue was that my change would be $5 and I wouldn't have a tip for the bartender, and I wanted to leave her one because god forbid she not be able to go buy her pack of Marlboro reds later. When I gave her the $10 to pay for the beer, I asked for five $1 bills as change, so that I could tip her a buck. That fucking tainted twat with legs brought me $5 in quarters. She acted all pissy about it too, like I was asking too much. I know 5 is a high number to count to, but jesus christ, is it really that big of a deal? I wasn't doing it to be shitty, I wanted to leave that skank a tip. Oh well, I only tipped her .50 as a result, but I really shouldn't have tipped that bitch anything.
3-5-2005 - I'm tired as shit because I had to work at 6:30am, but I pressed on and went out tonight with the usual crowd. Voof was adjusting his collar and accidently spilled beer on the floor and it got on some fat girls shoe. She said "You spilled on my shoe!" Voof politely apoligized for accident, and the girl replied "Seriously, you spilled on my new shoes." Her new gold shoes were fucking ugly, sorry. The girl was accompanied by a rather large individual, and had he not been there words at this point would have been spoken. The girl was a fat cow, she should have been thrilled that Voof even spoke to her. Here's a tip for fat people. Nobody likes you, and you are worthless. It doesn't help that most fat people talk like they're big shit, well I guess they are. Anyway, giving other people more attitude to make up for the fact that you are fat and worthless only makes it easier for us normal people to realize how worthless you really are. Keep your fucking mouth shut, which will help you stop eating so god damn much, and go run some laps.
3-5-2005 - Want to go up 5 hot points? Act like these girls we saw
out while we were playing pool. They're kind of skanky, but when they're hugging
and grinding on each other, they become like delicate beautiful flowers.
Ok, that was kind of gay, but I would say that to them if I thought it would
work in the interest of achieving a threesome. As you can see in this picture,
there are two girls in the background dancing on each other while Voof is
playing pool, and out of frame I'm playing some pocket pool by myself checking
3-7-2005 - So me and Voof spent $184 a piece on Nine Inch Nails tickets to go to the show in Austin Texas. After a recommendation from a fan, we almost went to Atlanta, but that's a hell of a drive. After car rental, ticket, gas, food, and alcohol, it's looking to be about a $500 per person trip. I have more then 2 months to start saving I guess. Oh, and a couple of hours after all of that shit, the NIN website announced there would be an extensive North American tour in the fall. So we're going to buy tickets and resell them to make up for the money we're losing this time around.
3-7-2005 - Went to Copelands for some dinner, and saw Tom Coughlin. He's the former CEO of Wal-Mart Stores. Rumor has it that he retired recently because he was caught up in a scandal that involved a bunch of executives using Wal-Mart money to buy hookers or some jive. I don't know if there's any truth to that or not, but he was very nice and greeted me and Voof as we passed him. You know you don't lead an interesting life when you meet a Wal-Mart executive and it's like meeting a celebrity. I don't think he would have been as friendly if he knew who I was and how his former legal team doesn't seem to appreciate my work very much.
3-10-2005 - So we made a run up to Macadoodles and decided to try a couple of new beers. Of course we got a 12 pack of Coors Light to fall back on, St Pauli Girl which is some German beer, and Fat Tire. I had never had Fat Tire, but I had read about how it is Tucker Max's favorite beer. Of course, Tucker Max is a man-whore who once tried anal sex and the girl shit on his dick, and he puked everywhere. So obviously, I want to follow in the footsteps of the legend that is Tucker Max. Well, Fat Tire tastes like ass really, I was not amused. St. Pauli Girl wasn't too good either. Maybe it's the white trash in me talking, I grew up in the country, but I always go back to Coors Light when it comes to beer. Maybe I should just give in, get some Oakleys, and grow a mullet.
3-10-2005 - By means I won't discuss, I have recently concluded that there is a lot of butt sex going on. I have never stuck my penis in anyone's ass, and I don't see the point. What is the point? Someone enlighten me please. Do some girls get pleasure out of this, I don't get it. Do people get off by putting it in the pooper, pulling out and smelling shit all over their dick? What about farting? I mean, vaginal sex produces queefing, do girls fart uncontrollably after anal sex, because that's just fucking sexy as hell, let me tell you. If someone gives me an honest answer to this question to help clear this up and it makes me understand, I will post it here and then we can all have a big pooper party. According to Voof, "I dunno man, some people get off on that shit." I need more information then this please.
3-10-2005 - A couple of weeks until I go to Indiana. So if any of my friends read this and want to go to the Cactus on Thursday the 24th, or hang out between the 23rd and 28th let me know.
3-11-2005 - Vavoof confesses the reason he loves boobs, in this quote of the day: "I was never weaned off the tit Nugget!"
3-12-2005 - So I went to my lunch break today and saw a family outside of a fast food place. The weather was great, and these people had their dog with them while eating on the patio. The dog was a cool looking dog, it was a Jack Russel. I began to think that I wish I had a dog, and maybe I should get one. Then the dog ate a piece of poop and the lady had to grab the dog's mouth, and hit it on top of the head to make it spit it out. Suddenly, I remembered why I don't have a dog.
3-12-2005 - Myself, Vavoof, and T-Mac went to Fayetteville. This is
a pretty regular trip we make to Dickson street almost every weekend. Voof
has an issue with the cheese fries because they're like $5.99, and regular
fries are only $1.59. So Voof asked the waitress how much it would cost for
just a cup of cheese, and you'd think he asked that bitch for a thesis in
quantum physics. Needless to say, Voof didn't get his cheese fries, and our
genius waitress seemed to disappear for the rest of the night. Of course,
this happened after she had already carded T-Mac when he ordered a drink,
and proclaimed that the man on the ID did not look like him at all. After
reviewing his identification myself, the only difference between the picture
and T-Mac was that in the picture he did not have his glasses on, and this
night he wore them. The ID is less then one year old. I had always wondered
what dumb fucks could be fooled by Superman when he put on glasses and that
was his disguise, now I know. The bitch did not receive a tip.
As told by Vavoof, "The Great Cheese Incident of 2005."
3-12-2005 - So the service at Grubs sucked some exceptional balls,
but not Jimmy Johns. After being out, we stopped off for a sandwhich and
were greeted with high fives and people excited to see us. Usually Jimmy
Johns has good service anyway, but tonight it was excellent. By the time
I was done paying for my order, my sandwhich had already been made and wrapped,
it was a sub so fast that I freaked. Maybe I was just more easily impressed
at this point now that I had alcohol in me, who knows.
3-12-2005 - What is it about girls that wear the high heeled boots with a skirt that is so hot? It's an instant turn on, and I am completely helpless against girls and their powers when they wear those boots and skirts. They could be a crack addict, dumber then Corky from Life Goes On, and more annoying then Band Camp Girl, and as long as they were somewhat attractive and had those boots on, I'd be their bitch without a second thought. I've admitted I have a problem, someone please help me.
3-17-2005 - So I try not to talk about work any more because because
I have already been there and done that. However, this situation really drives
me nuts. I feel like my intelligence is being insulted, and my boss is a
douche. What happens is that the team I work on now is generally swamped
with things to do, so in an effort to motivate us they will offer us rewards
if we meet certain goals. Usually, this entails something along the
lines of free pizza, which I appreciate very much. Free food rules. However,
one particular boss of mine is a used walking tampon, without the
string attached. For instance, today he told us that if we were to meet a
particular goal, which was very high, that we would receive a prize contained
in a plastic easter egg. Well, it took me my entire shift to accomplish this
goal, but I got the prize. Here it is:
There you have it, a tootsie roll. Eight hours of work to get a tootsie roll. I find this insulting, and I've done the math. A bag of 600 tootsie rolls costs about $4.00 at Costco. That means the cost of that tootsie roll is less valuable then a penny, $0.0066 to be exact. Suddenly, all of that hard work seems to have been rewarded. I'm so blessed.
03-19-2005 - So I'm wondering what kind of criteria you have to meet to be legally declared mentally handicapped. I think I could fake it. I'm sure that I would get some kind of check from the government for my retardedness, and maybe even get free care. Someone would be in charge of my feeding and general care. I wouldn't have to work, no laundry, no responsibility at all! It would be great. Also, I've noticed that retarded kids go to amusement parks a lot, there are always armies of retards there when I go. So regular trips to the amusement park would just be the icing on the cake. Anything I do or say would be completely forgivable because I would be retarded. So I could just take a shit in the kitchen, or start jerking off in public, and it would be ok. Hell, people would even laugh, everyone is a winner.
Random Memory: I used to live in Huntington Indiana. There, we lived out in the country and had several various animals over the years. At one point, we had a llama, and a miniature donkey. Both of the animals were very friendly and everybody liked them. The llama's name was Sir although it was female, and the miniature donkey's name was Mr. The only issue was that the miniature donkey took a liking to the llama. It was very common to look outside and see Mr. mounting Sir. It is quite a scene to see a donkey try to rape a llama, sorry, but it is really funny. Needless to say, Mr. always had a bunch of green loogies on him from where Sir had spit on him when he would try to mount her.
3-23-2005 - Here's a Band Camp Girl update for all of you according to a source still working at the store. In the breakroom the other day she could be overheard on her cellphone, the one that she buys new covers for every couple of hours it seems. She was talking to her father about how she had gone to Barnes & Noble to buy magazines with floorplans for houses on them. Is she building a house you ask? Why yes, she is building one in The Sims. Yes, she purchased "beautiful floor plans" to use when she builds her house in The Sims computer game. Apparently, she plans to get the expansion pack and send them to college soon too.
3-27-2005 - So I went to Indiana for a few days to visit. I had a connecting flight in Chicago on the way back home. After preparing for takeoff and heading down the runway, the captain announced the flight plans over the intercom. This is all normal, however, it was in an angry sounding middle eastern voice. What followed was a battle within myself between my calm and logical side, and my irrational side.
Irrational: Holy shit, it's a middle eastern pilot. It's a terrorist!
Rational: No way man. Security is super tight, just because he is middle eastern doesn't make him a terrorist, you're being prejudice.
We begin to ascend very roughly.
Irrational: This guy can't fucking fly, he went to a flight school long enough to learn how to crash in to a building, we're going to die!
Rational: This is Chicago, the windy city. I'm sure a lot of flights through here are rough.
Irrational: This shit is just adding up, we are going to have to do something.
Rational: We're not doing anything. We are going to sit here and read our book and keep to ourselves.
At this point we are heading straight towards the Sears Tower.
Irrational: We have a middle eastern pilot, the flight is already very shaky, and we're heading towards the Sears Tower!
Rational: Well, I'm sure a lot of flights head in that general direction, how could you possibly be able to tell from this angle that we're headed straight towards it.
Irrational: We have to do something!
Rational: No we don't.
Irrational: Red white and blue baby! These colors don't run!
Rational: Oh my god, you are a hick.
Irrational: I'M A PATRIOT!
Rational: Look, we're flying away from the tower now and much higher then it reaches.
Irrational: This isn't over.
Rational: You're an idiot.
That was pretty much that. In the middle of the flight, after a lot of turbulence, the pilot again came on and announced that the entire ride would probably be pretty rough. He did however, this time, speak in a clear American accent. The pilot had fucked with everyone on the plane. When we landed, he again came over the intercom doing his fake middle eastern accent. I saw the pilots on my way off the plane and they were as white as me, and that is pretty fucking pasty. I got home and found out they had lost my luggage which I received torn and ripped up about 24 hours later. I'm not fond of American Airlines right now.
2-28-2005 - I got two more eggs at work with candy in them. Oh, and the word on the street is that Tom Coughlin has been forced to resign from Wal-Mart. Apparently for improper use of company funds. Guess he was not quite the retail hero the company made him out to be.
2-28-2005 - T-Mac, Vavoof and myself were having a conversation while we kicked ass at Mario Tennis. I don't recall how the conversation got started, but it came out to be something like this.
T-Mac: Monkeys are gentle.
Nugget: Monkeys aren't gentle, they throw poop.
T-Mac: Well what's more gentle then poop, it's really soft.
Vavoof: Diarrhea is more gentle.
T-Mac: Yeah, well that's hard to throw.
4-2-2005 - So the pope died. Shit happens, he was 85 and that's life. So I'm watching television and trying to find something that isn't talking about the dead pope. I see that President Bush is going to address the nation on this event. What? Why? Let me make one thing clear, I'm not a typical hippie jerk off that just bitches about president Bush all of the time and blame all of the world's problems on him. He's a bit of a retard, yeah, but most people are. My point is, who gives a fuck what George W. Bush thinks about the pope dying? He's not even Catholic. Anyway, he's doesn't seem to address issues that are actually important. So I have a solution. The President creates a cabinet position for the Secretary of Bullshit, and I nominate Maddox to fill this position. He'd come out and say what needed to be said and not spoon feed the American public a bunch of rehearsed bullshit propaganda. What people really want to hear is honesty, that's why Jesse Ventura was elected governor, because he was honest and made no apologies for who he was. President Bush, and Senator Kerry for that matter, are a couple of pussies who won't stand for anything and will say whatever the American public wants to hear. So I nominate Maddox for Secretary of Bullshit, and from there he will catapult to the heights of the American government and one day be president. The world isn't perfect though, so rich kids with money will continue to run for president and win.
4-3-2005 - So, here's another update from the Band Camp world. She now has a laptop computer so that she can play the Sims on her breaks at Wally World. I guess her Sims are all grown up now and in college. She takes her her Sims in to the Wally World photo lab and gets pictures of them printed on a regular basis I'm told, apparently her Sims kids are twins. Honestly though, we should let her treat them like her real children like she does and not ridicule her, because we wouldn't want her to reproduce in real life.
4-4-2005 - I've decided that I'm running for Governor of a state, I don't care which one. Here's why. People aren't allowed to drive drunk, they call it DWI. Well, I'm going to implement a new law for DWG. Driving While Gimpy. People with handicapped plates are always the worst drivers. It's a fact, and here is my proof. You're slow, you pull out in front of people to drive 10mph, and you make wide turns that are unsafe. Basically, you're a danger to society and should be shot. I mean if you Euthanize dogs with broken legs, why not people? I say, put these people out of my misery. Honestly, the old ones are either looking straight ahead with both hands on the wheel like they're some kind of robot, or they look like they're scared of everything that moves. The thing is, we're more afraid of them then they are of us, like spiders, especially the old ones. I don't have anything against gimps, I just don't think they should be allowed to drive.
4-4-2005 - So, lets say that theoretically I had a roommate. Also, lets say he worked for a gigantic corporation. Lets just say that the gigantic corporation pressured him, being a manager, to contribute a portion of his bi-weekly check to that company's legal fund to fight the growing number of lawsuits against the company. The fact that the company would have hundreds of billions of dollars in sales throughout the world wouldn't matter, they still want their managers to donate to the legal fund. Lets just say that this roommate broke under the pressure and *donated* money to a multi-billion dollar company's legal fund every paycheck. Speaking theoretically of course, lets just say that they pressured all other managers continuously to follow this course of action or it would reflect poorly on their yearly evaluation. Then theoretically, I'd say it would be safe to assume that this company is spineless. Surely, I'm making this up. Right? Right???
4-4-2005 - So I have a boss that thinks he is funny and he is not. He tells everyone else that people think he is funny, I know they do not. He claims that people don't get his sarcasm, they do, but it is not funny. Here's a tip, if you claim that people don't get your sarcasm, chances are you're not funny. People like this need to have one of their testicles laid out on a table while still attached to their nutsack, and have it smashed with a mallet. I really just want to make the world a better place.
4-6-2005 - So T-Mac had a little too much to drink and
passed out on my bedroom floor. Oh T-Mac, when will you ever learn to handle
your alcohol. What you can't see in this picture is Anne DiFranco, also passed
out laying in my bed. You may have noticed that there are currently no pictures
of her on the site. I took a couple pictures of T-Mac and then aimed at Anne
DiFranco only to have her wake up before I could get one. I can not seem
to get any pictures of her to post, and any I have taken she has managed
to delete, but she really does exist.
Random Memory: When I was in fourth grade, my mom worked for a company that also had a farm in Huntington Indiana. In the middle of the night, a drunk guy broke in to one of the barns and raped a donkey. The owner of the farm caught him, thanks to security cameras, and held him at gunpoint until police arrive. If I recall correctly, he made the man keep his pants around his ankles so that the police could see for themselves. I don't know what kind of trouble he got in to for it, but I'm pretty sure he ended up raping an actual girl some time later. I could be wrong about that though, it happened a long time ago. He did, however, rape that donkey, I know that for sure. Of course, this is the town where Dan Quayle is from and a man was once arrested for removing the testicles from several different men without a license. They found all the testicles in a jar in his home. The crazy thing is that the men wanted to have their testicles removed. I couldn't make this stuff up.
Random Memory: Shortly before I moved, an SUV full of female college soccer players hit my car while I was sitting at a stoplight. Unfortunately, nobody was hurt. So I got home and called the insurance company. I dialed some 800 number and eventually talked with a representative who probably takes calls like mine all day. I told her that I had been in an accident and before I could go any further she interrupted me and said "Oh my gosh! Is everybody ok!" She said this like she was going to break down in tears or something, but you could tell that she had probably said this 10 times that day already, it made me want to puke. If it were me, I'd respond "Did people die?"
4-12-2005 - So I find myself with a growing fondness for wine. Don't
get me wrong, I'm no expert and I certainly do not have any class. I don't
drink wine with a nice dinner, I drink it to get drunk. I buy the big jugs
of it, because I'm economical, from macadoodles of course. I know two things
1. White wine is good.
2. Red wine is bad.
I suppose that, like beer, you have to acquire a taste for it. I do like one kind of red wine, however, I forget the name but it costs about $12 for 3 liters. Lebrewsko or something, I know it sounds like Brewski.
4-13-2005 - Lambrusco is the correct name of the wine. I was close, sort of.
4-15-2005 - So I just arrived home from work and passed this old guy
on the road. They're scary enough, old people can not drive. Whats more scary
is the expressions they use when they drive. This old guy appeared to be
giving this huge smile with his mouth, but his wide open eyes and the rest
of his face makes him look like he's scared for his life. They're a complete
contradiction of one another. Here is my interepretation of what an old man
driving looks like while driving.
I mean, what the hell is going on here? I see this when old people are just doing stuff in general too. He looks like he's being held at gunpoint. Are they shitting in their adult diaper while driving? I mean, if that's the case I might actually admire them, I can only dream of shitting myself while driving.
4-22-2005 - With a special guest in town and some drinking, we decided
to imitate Napolean Dynamite at 1am. Nerds? Yes we are. So Voof got on the
rollerblades, and I got on my bike. While T-Mac and our special guest watched.
I apparently went to fast and Voof let go of the stick I was pulling him
with. He hit the curb pretty fast, flailed wildly, and hit the dirt. While
the rest of his body hit the dirt, his leg hit the curb. Don't mix alcohol
and people not comfortable on rollerblades kids. Here you can see the sequence
of events. First, me pulling voof. Then Voof hopping up to indicate he is
ok. Then, back in the garage, we realize he took some damage.
As you can see, he took it like a man....
4-30-2005 - On a trip to macadoodles, Voof was asked if he had Leukemia. While my clerk told me that my debit had been declined due to a lack of funds. In order to get my heart pumping again, he assured me he was just messing with me.
5-7-2005 - So it turns out that Easy Mac actually goes bad. Too bad Voof didn't realize that until it was too late.
5-10-2005 - So I bitch about old people a lot, and it
is very wrong of me. The fact of the matter is, I should bitch more. Today,
one almost killed me when she failed to yeild her minivan when making a left
turn. I t-boned her with my little 1994 cavalier as she pulled out in front
of me and almost got myself killed. Proving once again, old people should
be banned from the road. Some people think little old ladies are harmless,
but I think this picture proves otherwise. Now I'm stuck in bed most of
the time with a case of whiplash, but at least I get muscle relaxers.
Wear your seatbelt kids.
Nugget - 1
God - 0
5-15-2005 - So demolishing my car wasn't completely bad. I get more money then what my car was worth to buy a new one. Also, I get $3000 for my medical claim. I had a case of whiplash, which meant I got pills, and that's cool. My medical bill was only $450. So, free money.
5-24-2005 - Me and Voof went to Texas to see the Nine Inch Nails show we paid way too much money for. Voof got a speeding ticket on the way down there. We were pulled over in Oklahoma. He was doing 81mph in a 70mph zone. The cop, who was a dick despite Voof being very polite, said that we needed to slow down because deer were on the move. Everybody knows that hitting a deer at 70mph is much better then hitting one at 80mph. We didn't hit a deer, but a Racoon was viciously murdered by the front bumper. As a matter of fact, I'm pretty sure it's better for the racoon that we hit it at 80mph, because there's less of a chance it felt any pain then if we were driving slower. Anyway, Oklahoma pretty much sucks balls as far as I can tell.
5-25-2005 - Austin seems like a decent town, but there are a lot of homeless people there, I'm not sure why that is. I know most large cities have a noticeable homeless population, but damn, this place has a lot. We went to a parking garage and had to wait on the attendant to finish washing his feet before he would help us. I'm pretty sure that is not normal. I always though it was a stereotype that people in Texas wear cowboy hats, but a lot of them do. A guy on a harley was armed with a handgun in plain view. Things are certainly a little different in Texas, but nothing seemed bigger except for the hats, and the homeless and hispanic population.
5-26-2005 - A recap of the NIN show in Austin:
-Waited in line in the hot Texas sun for about 3 hours
- Listened to dorks talk about the new Star Wars movie.
- Saw the Dresden Dolls who sort of suck, but are at least entertaining and unique.
- Got pushed right up to the front for NIN and got crushed against the gate at the front and saw a great show.
- Got a guitar pick from the bass player. (Jordie White aka Twiggy Ramirez)
- Got lost after the show trying to find our hotel.
- Went to 10 different gas stations in search of a slushy machine on the ride home to Arkansas.
5-26-2005 - I see billboards all over the midwest along the interstates trying to save my soul. What the hell is this crap about? On I-70 there is an enormous cross, and all over several interstates there are quotes from God on billboards with a black background and white lettering. These are generally not quotes from the bible. To quote God without using a profit as a source, would be declaring yourself a profit of God. I am pretty sure the people responsible for these billboards are not profits of God and I hope they all go to hell for being false profits, along with anyone else who tries to save my soul by preaching to me. Although I find it interesting, I hate religion, not because of their messages, but because of the people who follow them. Christianity for example, basically preaches that you should live life for others and God and not for yourself. Honestly answer this, how many Christians actually live life like this? Very few. In actuality, there is a religion that preaches you should live for yourself and for your own happiness, it's called Satanism. Most Christians, while claiming Christianity, are living more like Satanist. Look in to it, you may be surprised. I think they're both dumb though.
6-4-2005 - So I've been kind of down lately, and I think it's because I hate my job. My job that I have now is, hopefully, just a grind for about a year until I can move in to a programming position. However, if it turns out that I'm stuck in this job for a longer period of time, then I'm going to be one pissed off worker. So right now I'm debating on whether I should go back to Indiana and attend Purdue for a couple of years and get my Bachelors, or stick it out here in Arkansas and wait for my opportunity to become a programmer. I hate my job in tech support. The job provided me with little training. I have to work weekends too, but that's not the worst of it. The worst part is that the god damn people calling are employees of the company. The problem with that is they act just like the customers they bitch about. They think their miniscule problem needs to be fixed right now because they have 200 employees in their store that are effected by something. You know what? I'll work on your problem right now, if the other store with the same problem that has 600 employees and is waiting patiently for a fix calls me and tells me to skip over them. I wish I could send an electric shock through the phoneline and straight to their ear.
There are pros and cons to both sides of the argument of whether to
stay in Arkansas or go back to Indiana. I actually enjoy Arkansas a lot.
I have several friends here, like Hitler, Vavoof, T-Mac and Annie DiFranco,
the drunken rantor and his fiance recently moved here. The mountains and
lakes are beautiful. Macadoodles was built by Jesus himself I'm pretty sure.
On the other hand, I could attend Purdue and get a degree that would give me much more freedom to choose a new job. My kickass girlfriend is there. The traffic in this area is HORRIBLE. Damn old people and handicapped people can't drive worth a shit and should not be allowed to operate anything other then their Rascal. Not to mention, I would probably end up working at the store, for a brief period at least, and could go back to the way my site used to be. I'm not retarded, the site was way better then.
With one exception, my managers at my current job are all very cool and I will discuss my issues with them. Only after speaking with them will I be able to begin to make a decision. The bottom line is that I moved this far away and turned down a couple of other jobs, because I thought this would be the better long term career move. If it turns out it is not, then fuck this place.
I probably just need to suck it up and quit bitching. Nobody likes a bitch.
Of course, if a reader of this site is in a position to get me a decent programming job, then I'd be up for that too. Actually, any job that pays well really. I'd shovel elephant shit if it paid good enough.
6-5-2005 - So can you build a boat out of PVC pipe? Only time will tell.
6-7-2005 - I pooped a turd today, and that makes me happy. You would be too if your bunghole was a ticking assbomb of burning brown juice ready to blow at any second for a week straight. It was an epic scene:
So there I was on my lunch from work. It was 2:15 by the time
I had arrived at home. I felt like I needed to fart. We all know that it's
really easy to just let one rip when you are sick, only to find out that it
was just a wet anal explosion, disguised as a fart. Not this
time fart! I'm on to your game. I got to the bathroom. I sat down.
I dropped my pants and sat on my white throne of indoor plumbing glory. Something was different though. When I sat down, my bunghole didn't instantly explode as soon as my cheeks felt that cold porcelain lid. What's happening? I didn't want to get my hopes up, I knew it was probably just a matter of time until a brown fury of fire came gushing out of my ass and I would be in tears. Silence followed. Finally, I felt it coming, I braced for the burning that was sure to ensue, only to find myself straining a bit. Wait a second, could this be it? Could the war of the fiery wet storms of stinky ass be drawing to an end?
Feeling to anxious now, I could wait no longer. I wanted this battle to be over. For in the wars of ass, there are no winners, and we all know that the ass does not sign peace treaties. Like a lady spreading her legs in stirrups and pushing out a fetus, I strained and pushed. Then it happened. *Plop* A little splash of water hit my left ass cheek. Shortly after, a tear of happiness streamed down my cheek. I had won. The battle of the fiery ass was over. I was once again shitting solids. Peace was once again restored to Rogers Arkansas.
7-2-2005 - So myself, T-Mac, Vavoof, and the Drunken Rantor went to Devil's Den state park. We had been there a few times before. We usually go through the caves and venture in to the parts that aren't mapped out. It generally requires us to get on our stomachs and crawl through mud and get in to some very tight spots. It's a fun time though.
So we found this restricted cave. Apparently there is some bat that can die if it hears a loud noise and awakes from hibernation. Stupid bat, survival of the fittest I say, and this bat has to go. Anyway, Mac goes up to the entrance of the cave very slowly and quietly so he doesn't disturb the bats. Mac screams at the top of his lungs, turns and runs like I've never seen him run before. He begins to yell "BEAR!"
Hearing the word "bear" I too began to freak out. It wasn't long before the Drunken Rantor and Vavoof called him and and said he was full of shit. Mac swears he's seen a bear, and is out of breath and we can tell he genuinely thinks there is a bear inside of that cave. Stupidity or bravery took over, we don't know which, and Vavoof and the Rantor began to investigate. Theyfound what we are guessing is an enormous vulture of some sort. Granted, it was large, but how Mac came to the conclusion it was a Bear is a mystery. He explained it to us, but the logic surrounding it is far too complex for me to try and elaborate on.
7-6-2005 - On July 16, 2005 I will be returning to Lafayette Indiana. I will once again be working for Wally World. Oh happy day. I will miss Arkansas, it's got a lot more going on here then in Indiana. I will mostly miss Macadoodles though, I may shed a tear as I drive by it on my way back to Indiana.
7-6-2005 - One of these days I will actually write the conclusion to the "Nugget goes to jail" story.
8-1-2005 - So I'm back in Indiana now. Somehow, I find myself drinking excessively, but it's never enough to keep up with some people. One friend of mine accused me of having "vaginitis" because he was kicking my ass. What's funny is that the next day my puppy was diagnosed with vaginitis by the Vet, I didn't even know such a thing existed. I guess I really did have it and gave it to the dog. I'll try to do my part by increasing my tolerence level.
8-1-2005 - Me and Andrea finally got our new apartment. Our list of things wrong with it hasn't quite broken 30 yet, so that's a plus....I think.
8-3-2005 - In a drunken stupor, me and a friend chased rabbits on campus on the walk home a few nights ago.
8-13-2005 - I lost at poker again. I'm pretty sure I'm the worst poker player alive.
8-15-2005 Here are a couple of pics of our dog Eva. Don't be fooled
by her eyes, she's the biggest pain in my ass.
8-19-2005 - My dog pissed all over my brand new couch. I mean all over, on every cushion, the back of the couch and everywhere you can imagine. While I was taking care of the situation, I missed a phone call from a potential employer I am pretty sure. Stupid dog. She's also known as the piss pump, because she pisses everywhere all of the time.
Don't feel sorry for this bitch. She's behind bars right where she
belongs after pissing all over my couch. The hair hides the bruises quite
9-6-2005 - The dog pissed in my lap when I was praising her for being good. Stupid bitch. At least it's easier to wash my clothes than to clean the floor.
9-7-2005 - Going to Cedar Pointe in about a month or so. Only downside to that is that Mac and Vavoof are traveling to see Snookie in Memphis that weekend. I had hoped to go, but will have to miss out on this one.
9-8-2005 - I saw Celine Dion crying on television. I'm pretty sure revelations predicted this.
9-9-2005 - So I finally wrote the third part to the "Nugget goes to jail" story. It was supposed to be the conclusion, but I realized after I started that there will have to be 4 parts.
9-9-2005 - I got a job offer, I'll be a PC Lan Specialist in Indy for a large company. I'm not sure what this means for my Wally World career, but a definite cut in hours there will happen soon. Which means, few updates on the Wally World end of things on this site. I have no intentions of writing about my new job. I'll stay at Wally World until November, because then I get 3 weeks of vacation time that I can cash in on.
9-11-2005 - I saw a guy driving some sort of chopper motorcycle wearing flipflops. I wanted to swerve in to his lane and force him off the road.
9-11-2005 - I watched the Colts and the Bears today in High Definition. If you don't have HDTV, I highly recommend it, since it's the greatest thing ever invented since the original Nintendo.
9-11-2005 - I also realized today that my new job is a Monday through Friday job. This means that I can once again watch NFL football every Sunday.
9-12-2005 - I used to think I wanted a pet monkey, but I changed my mind. I realized that they would probably jerk off and throw poop at me. The only difference between that and having a retarded kid around is that it is socially acceptable to cage the monkey.
9-16-2005 - Adam had a big half gallon of cheap whiskey he brought over and it was half full. He left about 3 hours later with it empty. The difference between him coming and going is that when he left it was with people carrying him. I've never seen anyone get that drunk without passing out, but he did and he didn't puke either. At least not until he got home.
9-19-2005 - Just finished the third season of The Sopranos. What a great show, I can't say it enough.
9-20-2005 - Our apartment sucks major balls. We've been trying to get so many things fixed here since we moved in, and nothing is getting done. On the plus side, it appears the dog has stopped pissing on the floor.
9-21-2005 - While walking around some neighborhood drunk with my friend
Teenage Black Kid: "[Inaudable] ....white boy....[more inaudible words]."
Mike Seever: "Stay calm, I've got lugz on, I speak their language."
10-20-2005 - Why are all Quiznos I've ever been to ran by Indians?
10-21-2005 - Has anyone heard this new "land of confusion" song
by Disturbed? Talk about a pussy bullshit song, I thought it was written
by the Brady Bunch or something.
Here are the lyrics:
"There's too many men, too many people
Making too many problems
And there's not much love to go around
Can't you see this is the land of confusion?
This is the world we live in
And these are the hands we're given
Use them and let's start trying
To make it a place worth living in"
11-27-2005 - I bought a 55" Sony Wega rear-projection LCD television. I think this is the best purchase I have ever made.
12-02-2005 - I'm going to Europe at the end of May. I should be going to Italy, Scotland, Germany, and London while I'm there. If you have any suggestions for things to do or checkout while I'm there, drop me a line.
12-15-2005 - I'm aware that the song mentioned above is a cover of a Genesis song. Why would anyone want to cover a douche like Phil Collins? If you want to cover a cheesy artist, at least choose one that rocks out more, like Steve Perry. Disturbed shall be held accountable for this.
12-15-2005 - Less frequent updates are because I work 40 hours a week, and on top of that I travel an hour each way to get there and back home. Also, the final Wally World update was done, but due to some other circumstances I have to sit on it. I will write a new update soon that I can post for your viewing pleasure.
12-16-2005 - I'll be back in Arkansas for the weekend over New Years.
01-05-2006 - I finally updated the Wally World page. It was long overdue. Hopefully I'll have more news on that in the next month or two, but we'll see.
01-07-2006 - So Pat Robertson said that Israeli Prime Minister Ariel Sharon's stroke was divine punishment. It certainly couldn't just be a natural happening, being that he's 77 fucking years old. I can't wait until Pat Robertson's divine punishment comes, because I'm going to his funeral and instead of throwing a rose on his grave, I am throwing an aborted fetus.
01-11-2006 - It seems to me that people like surprises. The best way to surprise someone is to do something for them when they least expect it. So I was thinking that it would be appropriate for someone to propose to their girlfriend by putting a ring on a tiny little raft, with a message that reads "marry me." Place that raft in the toilet and put the toilet seat down. She'll be so surprised when she lifts the toilet lid, that she'll piss herself. If someone decides to try this, be sure to videotape it. Vavoof used to leave surprises in the toilet for us roommates to find, but they weren't rings, they were giant turds that could be mistaken for giant Redwoods. We didn't piss ourselves, but I think I puked once as a result.
01-18-2006 - On my way home from work, an hour away, I was on I-465 in Indianapolis. The road conditions were pretty bad on that highway, and I lost control of my car. I was only doing like 40mph though. I ended up spinning around all over the highway, and over all north bound lanes of traffic before finally hitting my rear passenger side tail light against the concrete barrier. I was suddenly stopped facing the direction of oncoming traffic. The Honda runs though, and I just drove home after filing a report.
01-22-2006 - After doing more research, I have realized that I should be able to fix my own car. I don't know shit about cars, but I think I'm going to attempt this in an effort to save money. So rather then spend $1000 on my deductible, I'll probably drop my claim and just fix the light for less then $100. We used to call my Cavalier a beast, but after hitting a concrete wall with my Civic on an interstate and not having much damage, I might have a new beast.
01-27-2006 - I got a new job offer, that it looks like I'll take. It pays more, has better hours, and is only a 30 minute drive, as opposed to 60 minute drive I am currently making.
01-28-2006 - Are DJs on satellite radio as retarded as the ones on regular radio? Who actually listens to these guys on the radio and think that they are interesting, funny, or even slightly intelligent? They must find these fucks after they fail out of clown school or something. X103.3 in Indianapolis, I dedicate this post to you. Gunner, Alex B, and The Deuce as they call themselves are terrible. Radio DJs try to pass themselves off as having some sort of celebrity status, and as wild party animals most of the time. People with more then a dozen brain cells can see through this. We don't care what you do, or what you think, play a decent song, do your promos that are required of you, and shut the fuck up.
01-29-2006 - Tucker Max has a new book out and it made the New York Times Best Sellers list. I haven't picked it up yet, but I plan to soon. If you haven't read his site, check it out, I highly recommend it. My favorite is "Tucker Tries Buttsex: Hilarity does not ensue." Good stuff.
01-29-2006 - So I want to start a new site, and do basically what I did with Wally World. Except, what I would do is grow a mullet, get a trailer, and live in a trailer park. I would descend in to the abyss of white trash America. I would learn how to work on an old trans am, own a shotgun or two, and mingle with the neighbors. Andrea tells me she won't go in public with me if I have a mullet though. Not to mention, it'd cost a lot of money to go buy an old car, and a trailer. It's expensive to be white trash, I wonder how they support their drug habits. Oh well, I'm not sure I could go without my computer and internet for extended periods of time anyway.
02-13-2006 - HDNet is the best network. Ever. If you don't get HDNet and have a high definition television, you are getting ripped off. Live concerts from several artists like Velvet Revolver, Blues Traveler, U2, Disturbed, Sting, and more. They also show sports like hockey, basketball, cage fighting and boxing. I'm a walking advertisement for high definition television, and this channel only fuels that fire.
02-15-2006 - I watched the Broadway show Stomp last weekend. I hate Broadway stuff, but now I get the points with my girlfriend for taking her to a Broadway show, but without the singing. It was basically like extreme tap dancing on acid.
*WARNING* If you are pro-life or easily offended, skip the next couple of entries *WARNING*
2-15-2006 - I watched a debate on abortion. The pro-life people were saying they would have Roe vs. Wade overturned within ten years. I thought that would be pretty lame, but then I decided I want it to happen. I will move to Windsor, which is in Canada right across from Detroit, and open up a clinic there. Oh how the people will flock to my Canadian clinic. I could probably do back alley clothes hanger abortions right here in the states as an alternative. Either way, I come out on top.
2-17-2006 - I see bumper stickers about abortion on the cars of pro-lifers
a lot. Things like "Abortion is murder" and "Abortion stops a beating heart."
So I think I want to make my own bumper stickers. I looked up some common
pro-life bumper stickers and got ideas for my own. Here they are:
Abortion is murder, and I still don't care.
Help prevent SIDS. Choose Abortion.
My clothes hanger can defeat your fetus.
Abortion: Keeping couples together since 1973
93% of women regret their abortion, but at least their boyfriend stuck around.
Mothering is a proud profession. The only profession that costs you money.
Life: It's a gift not a choice. Although, many gifts get returned.
40 million aborted. Who's missing from your neighborhood? I don't know, I don't even talk to my current neighbors.
Mary WAS pro-choice, they just had not invented the wire clothes hanger yet.
Real doctors don't kill babies. Their scalpels do.
Abortion: If you do it now, the funeral is cheaper
I'm glad you were born, so I won't make the same mistake your mother did.
Abortion is not family planning, it is family prevention
Adoption is a loving choice, but who has the time? Keep your figure.
Half the patients who enter abortion clinics don't come out alive (Actual sticker. Just proves that those doctors are good and have a perfect record)
If Mary was pro-choice there would be no Christmas. (Actual Sticker, but it made me laugh because I think I would prefer it that way)
Careful....Former fetus driving (Another actual sticker, just makes me laugh)
It is easier to make a baby, then to raise a child. (Actual Sticker. Right, so what's your point again? People seeking abortion are obviously not interested in a challenge)
Irresponsible men love abortion (Actual Sticker. Amen to that.)
Thou Shall not Murder, how do you justify it? (Actual sticker. My justification is that the commandments are absolutes and if you break one you are fucked. So most pregnancies where abortion is an option usually come outside of marriage, so you have already broken a commandment. So what's the difference if you break one, or all ten of them? I mean, after you break one, you might as well make it worth your while.)
2-17-2006 - According to one friend that still works at Wally World in electronics, there have been a couple of good questions asked by customers recently. The first was a lady that was looking for the movie "Napolean Dinosaur." The second was from around Christmas season and a lady wanted the video game "Tom Hanks Underground." For those of you who are above the age of 35, it is actually called "Tony Hawk's Underground." Tony Hawk is a professional skateboarder. The thought of Tom Hanks on a skateboard is outrageous. You can see a picture of this friend in the Wally World archives, him and the drunken rantor are wearing NASCAR shirts.
2-18-2006 - I support this T-shirt.
2-18-2006 - Ok, I will now make an honest attempt to stop talking about abortion and fetuses so much.
2-25-2006 - I went skiing and apparently I used to be a spoiled rich kid in a previous life because I only fell once the entire day. We also saw some kids in the parking lot from the lift that were standing outside of their Yukon. They were probably 17 or 18 years old and dressed like thugs. They were white, driving a Yukon, and at a ski lodge in the middle of Indiana. They were outside of their Yukon dancing to some hardcore rap by themselves. One was behind the Yukon, and the other by the driver side door. They were trying to look hardcore or something, but failed. I don't like rap music, because I can't really relate to it. Apparently, these guys thought they could relate with the Yukon their parents bought for them, and the hard days spent at ski lodges in Indiana. Or maybe they were just practicing for the latest new reality hit "Dancing with the retards."
3-2-2006 - On my lunch break I went to Pizza Hut and tried to enjoy my meal. There was a girl at a booth in front of mine that kept laughing real obnoxiously. I'm not sure why she was laughing. If she had ever seen her own reflection she would not have done anything to draw attention to herself. She was really fat, really ugly, and just plain revolting. She looked like Jabba the Hut with black hair.
3-4-2006 - I, like many, am a huge fan of the HBO series The Sopranos. I own all 5 seasons on DVD and ordered HBO a few days ago so I can watch season 6 in high definition when it premiers in another 8 days. Today I saw a preview for season 6 and the music that was playing in the background was Nine Inch Nails. I nearly spooged all over my living room.
3-4-2006 - According to my Outlook Express trash folder, my PayPal account has been comprimised 78 times since December 17, 2005.
3-26-2006 - The Sopranos is starting to get good. If you don't have HBO or have never watched it, I suggest you go rent season one from your local video store.
4-1-2006 - Suddenly, I feel a new wave of hope for the world. The
upcoming Maddox book, The Alphabet of Manliness, is listed #1 on Amazon's
best seller list and it is only on pre-order. Maddox is the author of www.thebestpageintheuniverse.com which has reached enormous popularity despite the fact that it has been rarely
updated in the last year or so.
The Alphabet of Manliness
Amazon Best Seller List
4-11-2006 - The costs of being a parent are high. If you are a guy, the moving costs to avoid child support stack up quickly. For the girls, those stretch marks don't just go away on their own. So read this, and help save the Earth.
4-18-2006 - I saw a truck that had a sticker in the rear window, in huge letters, that read "GIT-R-DONE." Kind of makes you want to sing God Bless American doesn't it?
4-18-2006 - Nugget goes to jail part four will be up soon. I finally wrote it, I just have to sit down and make a few revisions and go over it before I post it. Unfortunately, the story doesn't end there. It turns out I'll have to write a fifth page on it. So maybe you'll know the conclusion of it by 2009.
4-19-2006 - I used to think the internet was a good thing. Until today.
4-19-2006 - It turns out some hallucinogens are still completely legal, and completely drugtastic. This one is called Salvia Divinorum. I read a story on CNN about it. CNN LINK It's cheaper and easier to obtain than absinthe, which is illegal and I had been wanting to try. Maybe I'll get a bong of some sort and smoke this, or put it in tea, I'm not sure how you're supposed to do it. Either way, I recommend doing it before going to church.
4-20-2006 - Nugget goes to jail part four is now up.
4-20-2006 - I can tell I'm getting old. There used to be a CD coming out that I wanted all of the time. Now I'm lucky to pick up a new release more then once a year. I think music that people listen to now pretty much sucks a swelled up elephant testicle. I think that the music of my generation is far superior than the current. That statement qualifies as a declaration of me getting old. Soon I'll be soiling myself, buying adult diapers, and watching CBS broadcasting.