So now I am a 21 year old alcoholic armed with the knowledge of how to steal keys to construction equipment and run it when I feel the need. As you can probably imagine, this is a dangerous idea. Pretty soon, it became a regular thing for us to have parties and me to disappear and return to the front door with a fork lift I had stolen. Once I stole it and parked on top of a huge trash pile hoping the construction crew would find it there the next day. It took like 20 minutes to get it up there. However, with a little determination and coming close to tipping it over a few times, I managed. Then my friend Clint got on it and drove it down after all of my hard work, kicked it in to high gear and drove it around my apartment complex honking the horn and grinning ear to ear. I wish I had a picture.
Yes, those were some of the best times of my life. As most people know though, all highs are met with equally bad lows, and mine was coming.
It was the summer of 2002, and my cousin had driven down to visit. There were only a few of us around, and we had several beers to drink. We ran out of whatever beer we were drinking and began drinking Natural Light, which is the nastiest beer ever. This should have been a sign of things to come, but I was too drunk to see it. After drinking inside for a few hours we were both pretty toasted I think, and we decided we wanted to go outside and find something to do. As you can imagine, I headed straight for the toys.
As we arrived at the construction area, about a block away, I saw the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. Angels sang, and a light came down from heaven. That light shined directly on a huge ass steam roller. It had never been there before. Now I never drive drunk, I pride myself on always being responsible when it comes to drinking and driving, but for some reason I think it is ok to drive heavy machinery while intoxicated. I never thought twice about it, and neither did my cousin.
We hopped on that badass piece of equipment and fired it up. It was pretty loud, and it was pretty powerful. Pretty soon we were on a reckless rampage of destruction. That steam roller can move pretty god damn fast, or maybe it just seemed that way because I was so drunk. We began zooming around the area and crushing anything in our path without a second thought. We sprayed fire extinguishers everywhere and made all kinds of noise and created all kinds of damage. We crushed drainage things in the ground, ran over supplies and equipment that we found. We hit something on the ground once going at a pretty high rate of speed and the steam roller began rocking back and forth, I was only a second away from jumping off because I thought we were going to tip over.
After several minutes of wreaking havoc, we decided to call it quits and we parked the steam roller at the back of the site and walked back to my apartment. After returning, my cousin realized he had forgotten his cigarettes on the steam roller, so we walked back to get them. It was a pretty long walk, so we decided that we would drive the steam roller back across the site and park it where we had left it, and we wouldn't have to walk as far. It was the first sensible thing we had done all night, and it was also the worst idea ever.
We drove it back to where we had found it, and as we were parking it, I saw something out of the corner of my drunken eyes. A car was coming up the road very quickly with no lights on in the middle of the night.