What’s a Cup of Cheese?
by Vavoof


This is something that has been burning inside of me for a long time now so let me give you a little background on the subject. I LOVE cheese; and cheese on anything else that I like makes it just that much more orgasmic. If I were to create a euphoric scenario it would involve video games, blow jobs, and cheese fries at the same time…yes I said AT THE SAME TIME. Some might think this would be sensory overload and simply take it slow…no more than one of these activities at a time. But I’m the type of person that likes to set goals. I foresee this scenario and the pinnacle of my life converging at the same point in time and this would be no coincidence. Alright, back to my bitchfest. Nugget, T-Mac, and I were on a regular trip to Fayetteville to indulge ourselves and we made our regular round to Grubs first. This place is just a springboard we need to reach the classic “Squirrelly” state of mind this site is so famous for exploiting. A few beers and something to snack on is usually the first call. Now as I peruse the menu my mind is fixated on the beer and cheese fries that bring me the happiness only sexual-healing can rival. Just as I glanced over the appetizers the proverbial cock-block was dropped.

French Fries - $1.59

Cheese Fries - $5.99


At this point I think I suffered a mild brain hemorrhage…

I think we can all see the problem here and I quickly thought of a way to get what I longed for without being financially bent over the counter. So I ask the waitress politely:

Voof: “How much is a cup of cheese?”

To my amazement as if sacrificing herself for the greater good she decided that her employer’s menu, which must have been chiseled on the same stone as the Ten Commandments, was more important than her pride and tip.

Waitress: “What do you mean?”

Voof: “I mean cheese, nacho cheese, poured in a cup to dip food into”

At this point I’m using hand gestures to signify a cup and cheese being poured into it….all to turn this girl away from her devote faith of choice.

Waitress: “you mean queso?”

A glimmer of hope…

Voof: “Sure, in a cup”

Waitress: “I don’t know what you mean. If you want queso on your fries its $5.99”

There were a couple more similar verbal exchanges but I decided she was definitely not playing dumb. I believe that rigorous training, battle-like preparation, and an apparent brainwashing could only foster such cold-blooded responses.

Within seconds I decided to withdraw my efforts from this particular altercation that effected me on so many levels. It was obvious that I was not prepared for such resistance.

Sun Tzu said it best. “If you know the enemy and know yourself, your victory will not stand in doubt.”

I must reflect on this immediately.